Missing the Gig

Against all odds, there I was on the shopping mall next to my workplace, aiming to have some hot meal in this rainy day, sigh a little and just relax for the night. There was something odd in my surroundings, but it wasn't until I got next to the ATM machine and get a couple of notes that I noticed. The place was full of dressed-in-black people , and I got to recognise quite a few faces of people to whom I don't speak for to long. I didn't get recognised, and was somewhat glad of it: it was the wrong evening to get me started about why I wasn't in the same table as them. Before ordering the meal I started by asking for a beer while cursing not to have some liquor at home - already planning for my evening at home.

For regular readers of this blog isn't probably hard to conceive, but for casual readers, specially those who know me a bit more, it still comes as a surprise that I refuse to feed Universal's pockets, even when we're talking about Marilyn Manson. It came a real shock for lots of people the fact that I don't own Marilyn's latest album (that, in fact, I only listened to once, and in far from good conditions), and for others (SMS's will start falling soon, for sure) the fact that Marilyn Manson is doing a gig in Portugal and I'm not in the front row. This isn't surely what to expect from the Portuguese guy with the biggest Marilyn Manson music collection.

The reasons are simple - really - and all come to one: while I like Marilyn Manson and even admire him for a lot of things (like the way he absorbs so much the huge amount of thoughts he gets from the books and movies he gets contact with), I refuse to give money to those I despise, and he really should know better about his deal with the assholes at Interscope - at least have a thought or two about the acts of his friend (or is it foe? they're always switching...) Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails... After all the deal came from "his" Nothing Records.

So I got home, and I had the rest of the night planned. Fired up Amarok and started playing some yet to be released Merankorii tracks, quickly put some clothes into the washing machine and walked to the soon-to-be studio, stared and stopped. A room full of bags, boxes and "stuff". Started digging. Some home-made liquor... cool, it will be handy later. What's this bag? Oh, DVD's... A couple of Marilyn Manson DVD's here, but I can't even think of it, just put them in their new place, and keep digging. And finally, among tons of yet unpacked CD's, some pieces of my Marilyn Manson collection. They start getting form once again, now in the new shelves, until I find the album I was looking for: the European edition of Marilyn Manson's EP "Smells Like Children" (the CD that still plays, bought second-hand and really cheap), probably one of the most misunderstood works of his.

Already playing, I slowly walk towards the liquor, but slowly to let the music enter my body. There's something about my relation with music that I still have to work on to be ready to try to define it. Next comes "Mechanical Animals", but I'm not in the mood of setting up the record player to play the vinyl version, so I stick with the scratched CD until it shows the first signs of defect. Follows Holy Wood (In the Shadows of the Valley of Death). Maybe after I'll be ready for the live recordings of his latest gig in Portugal. No "collector items" today. Maybe they shouldn't even belong to me anymore. Yet, he's smart. I still hope he'll give'em the finger, and get me to put money in his pockets again.

It's raining out there. It will be a quite nice evening after all. Above all, I'm glad to be here, not there.